


At Peace

by chimaeracabra



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes - Freeform, Bucky Barnes Feels, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Love, OFC - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 14:07:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30006036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chimaeracabra/pseuds/chimaeracabra
Summary: Bucky and his wife comfort each other in dark times.
Kudos: 4





	At Peace

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Secrets Aren't for Keeping](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2799851) by [chimaeracabra](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chimaeracabra/pseuds/chimaeracabra). 



> I’m finding it very hard to focus today. My first exam in dietetics opened on Tuesday and I have until next Tuesday to do it. While I am SO in love with this program, feel I’m finally on the right path for me, and excited to start my career, I’m still feeling stressed out. I got my copper IUD replaced today after only having it in about two months (it decided to gravitate down into my cervix where it was not effective), and it really hurt. I’m anxious about maybe moving in with my boyfriend, which I am not sure I can do until he starts to consistently clean up the surroundings and after himself. I didn’t have the nerve to tell him when I visited him last night, so I just texted him about it. I feel sad because he said he was really looking forward to staying with me. I want to live with him, but not if it’s going to be chaos in a tiny apartment. For years, writing stories has been solace to me. I feel sad right now. I need an escape. Here it is…

Years ago, on a Friday, in the end-of-winter sunlight, Cherise is standing out front of an off-site Avenger’s lab, inhaling the fresh air as she watches Bucky pull up in his black SUV (courtesy of the VA) with a smile on his handsome face. He glides smoothly to a halt right in front of her, killing the engine. Before he even steps out of the vehicle, he can see how unhappy she is, but he keeps his smile on. He always tries to be so strong for her, stable. Looking at her, the knife in his heart twists as he tries not to think anymore about the negative pregnancy test Cherise had taken earlier in the week on Monday morning, when she was feeling particularly nauseous and hopeful. Bucky watches her shoulders drop and she sighs, handing him her backpack. It’s the gym bag she usually takes with her to use at the Avenger’s Compound when she’s done with work or waiting for experiments to reach completion.

The soldier cocks an eyebrow, “They have gyms here? I thought this location was just labs,” he asks, glancing behind his wife at the building. It’s very high tech, and much smaller than the Compound where Cherise usually works. She has been coming here since Monday, and Bucky hadn’t been sure why. He had asked her, and she just told him that there were new laboratories she wanted to do some work in.

“I was bringing it with me thinking I was going to the Compound. Just…autopilot, you know?” Cherise liked to run after work four to five times a week. She was able to use the gyms at the Compound for free as an employee. It was lucky that her car was having trouble this week, so that Bucky could start picking her up from work (she would carpool in the mornings with Steve, but his other missions kept him from driving her home at the end of the day) enough to start seeing that something else was wrong. He cocks his head to the side curiously and Cherise looks away from him. She had to know she couldn’t lie to him without him noticing.

“Can we go? I’m hungry,” she mumbles.

“The reservation isn’t until seven, baby. We have time,” Bucky explains. It’s only 4:45 when he checks his watch. Cherise closes her eyes. Bucky slings her backpack on and reaches for her waist. At last, she breaks down.

“Babe…”

Cherise wipes her eyes with the backs of her fingers and stops crying, looking frustrated.

“I just want to go,” she says.

“What’s wrong? Why are you here, Cherry…? I asked Steve about it on Tuesday and he said you’re the only scientist working at this location this week. …Why?”

She shakes her head, unable to look him in the eyes. Her sorrow appears to be mixed with anger.

“Is something wrong…?” Bucky asks.

“I just want to go home,” Cherise chokes, avoiding his eyes again. He stops her from advancing to the car.

“Wait—just _talk_ to me, baby. You’ve been _so quiet_ this whole week. Since Monday…I’ve been trying to give you space, but now I’m starting to wonder if you're mad at me. Did I do something—?”

“I just want to leave, James,” Cherise says impatiently, louder than she meant to. He frowns, stopping her from walking around him. An angry sort of growl escapes her lips and he releases her. She pauses against the hood of his SUV and crosses her arms, crying. Bucky approaches her carefully.

“I just _can’t_ go there right now,” she admits tearfully.

“The Compound? Why, babe? You were even promoted a few weeks ago...I thought you were happy about—”

“It’s not that,” Cherise interrupts. Bucky closes the gap between them and pushes his metal hand comfortingly through her hair, pausing at her shoulder. It was rare that Cherise wouldn’t tell him when something was wrong. Sometimes she would just be in a shitty mood for a week or so, then get her period. But this was different and Bucky could tell.

“You gotta talk to me, Cherry. You can’t keep bottling things up. I knew something was wrong. I was gonna let you talk to me on your own. I was waiting for it…” She shakes her head, looking down.

“…There’s no staff at this location, Cherise,” Bucky states calmly. Cherise had been lying about work all week when he would ask her across the island in their kitchen while they caught up on the news and with each other. She finally looks in his eyes, more tears rolling down her cheeks.

“So, you’re spying on me now?” she inquires, anger in her voice. Bucky gazes down at her with some irritation.

“You have to talk to me, Cherise. You can’t just lie to me and think I’m okay with that. I’m _not_ …”

“It’s just not fair,” Cherise whispers. Bucky cocks his head to the side, stroking her hips comfortingly.

“I—I just needed to be alone for a bit,” she admits. Bucky noticed this the entire week, Cherise’s longer showers with the door locked (she never locked the door when she wasn’t actually using the toilet), her longer walks with the dog in the evening, falling asleep before they had the chance for pillow talk at night when she was usually awake until at least 1:30 in the morning. She was avoiding him. Frankly, it hurt him, but he had an inkling why she was doing this. Cherise takes a deep breath, closing her eyes, more tears falling into the soft fabric of her blue blouse, billowing in the breeze. Some of these tears manage to land on Bucky’s forearm. His heart tears further. He had known she was coming here this entire week after parting ways with Steve who gave her rides to the Compound in the mornings. She should have known that even Steve knew her very well, and wasn’t going to hide things from her husband.

“…I keep watching my coworkers go on maternity leave, half of them don’t come back…I was talking to Kate on Monday and she’s _huge_ now, desk work. She misses the field and I don’t blame her. She _hates_ desk work, but she looks cute that huge and has no idea how lucky she is. We missed the shower, remember?” Bucky nods. It was a weekend event that Cherise had helped Wanda organize, but Cherise had called out sick the day of because her second miscarriage decided to occur shortly beforehand. Bucky had spent that whole weekend right by Cherise’s side, grieving with her.

“She and Sam are so happy…Did you know they’re having a girl? I just _can’t_ be around everything _I want_ while I _cannot have it_ ,” Cherise admits tearfully, “Maybe this is all my fault,” she explains, shrugging, “I never should have gotten an IUD—”

“That’s not your fault, Cherry. Stop blaming yourself—”

“Well, we don’t _know_ that for sure, James. The doctors can’t seem to tell us much of _anything_ —”

“You wanna blame someone, blame _me_ ,” Bucky insists, “Do you know how old I am? The serum, the trauma—it’s probably _me_ , Cherry. You didn’t do anything wrong.” He tries to take the weight off her shoulders, not wanting her to be more hurt than she already is. She starts to pull away from him, sliding down his shiny SUV until she meets the pavement. She tucks her face into her knees and weeps. Bucky kneels in front of her and sits, repeatedly rubbing her shoulders and kissing the top of her head.

“We’re gonna get through this, Cherise. It’s just hard right now.”

Bucky kisses her forehead lingeringly. It has been months now, and still, they have only experienced loss. He could see it starting to weigh on Cherise heavily. She felt inadequate. It pained Bucky deeply.

“I’m sorry,” she sniffles. Bucky leads her to stand and pulls the car door open to grab a handful of coffee shop napkins from the glove compartment. Through her tears, Cherise can see Bucky smiling without teeth, holding back his tears.

“About what?” he asks gently. She blows her nose.

“I guess you already figured it out. I’ve been coming here and doing nothing. Just crying and sleeping.” Bucky kisses her cheek,

“I didn’t mean to lie to you, I just wanted space.”

“Well, you can always tell me that, Cherry. I don’t want you to ever be uncomfortable around me.”

“It’s not you, Bucky…I don’t know what is wrong with me. I’m just not happy.”

“You have every right to be upset for now, babe. I can’t pretend to really understand what you’re going through…You’ve miscarried twice,” he says, his voice finally breaking. He pauses, pressing his lips against her forehead once more. He just wanted to make her happy. It wasn’t easy for him, either. Many times, the soldier has dreamed of their child. It hurt him just as much to start coming to terms with the possibility that he might never meet that child.

“I just want to go home,” Cherise whispers. Bucky nods.

“We’ll pick up something on the way,” Bucky suggests, walking around to the passenger’s side with Cherise wrapped in his flesh arm. He opens the door for her. She smiles at him ever so slightly. She watches him as he buckles her in, his eyebrows furrowing in what looks like confusion, but is really an expression Cherise has learned that Bucky makes when he’s holding back tears. He smiles in at her and closes the door before walking back around to place her bag in the back seat.

“You don’t have to always be so stoic for me, James,” Cherise explains, gripping his hand before he starts the car. He gazes at her in a sorry way. She strokes his cheek.

“I just want you to be happy,” he admits, “I feel like I’m not doing that for you.”

Cherise shakes her head. In truth, Bucky made Cherise very happy, all of the time. He showered her in affection, attention, care, everything she could have asked for. He was all she had at the end of the day.

“I love you, James. You do make me happy. I hope you know that.”

His whole face lights up. She grips his chin, prickly with stubble. A strand of chestnut hair falls out of place against his chiseled cheek. She could have stared at Bucky forever.

“I love you more,” he says, cocking his head to the side and looking at her as though she is magic. He has always looked at her in this manner and it still makes her heart jump.

“Let’s get home, before Bob destroys that new pair of shoes I bought last weekend,” Bucky explains, turning the keys in the ignition. At this, Cherise laughs. Finally, she has smiled for real this week. As Bucky pulls away from the empty building, Cherise can’t help but be at peace with everything they do have.


End file.
